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advantages of being tiny

Although current society is most obsessed with its stigma against obesity, being exceptionally small in build and stature also tends to carry - at least for men - a mildly negative image. Since this is my own fate, I’d like to draw attention to some of its positive aspects:

  • I can fit all sorts of places you can’t. Like cupboards. A man can be very productive in a nice, quiet cupboard.
  • Nobody asks me to help move furniture.
  • Less weight in the car = better gas mileage!
  • To save even more on gas, I can skip driving altogether. I just wear a loose-fitting shirt, extend my arms, and sail downwind.
  • I require less sustenance than you, which - in addition to being financially expedient - means there’s more left over for starving children in third-world countries. So basically, I’m a better person than you.
  • If I stay clean-shaven I can pay children’s prices at many establishments.
  • I can blame my emotional problems on cultural insensitivity instead of taking personal responsibility.
  • If caught in a shooting or firefight, low surface area is an asset.
  • I live with virtually no fear of cannibals.

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